Joanne "JoJo" Rivera has given birth to two sons, both of them ugly.
"My first one was so ugly that I didn't even buy the pictures from the hospital. How bad is that?" said Rivera, 35, of St. Petersburg. " He looked like a little gorilla. He had a unibrow and his eyes were crossed. "
The boy Tyler, now 10, eventually grew into his eyebrows, and Rivera regrets not buying the photos. But the stay-at-home mom doesn't want them for a scrapbook or hope chest. She wants to post them on her Web site, UglyBabyContest.com.
It's just what it sounds like. Each month, loving parents, relatives and friends e-mail photos of their favorite tyke caught in a not-so-Kodak moment for the chance to win a cash prize and an Ugly Baby T-shirt. Site users and a group of local moms help Rivera determine the winner, and all entries are posted in the site's photo gallery.
If you've ever seen a newborn hamster, then you can imagine how ruddy little Brad looks in the picture one contestant submitted. Baby Jasmine is all cheeks. And it seems that 6-month-old Lukas has been trading styling tips with Ryan Cabrera.
Before you accuse Rivera of exploiting these bundles of joy, take a look at her own baby picture.
"I was a hairy, butt-ugly little baby," she said. She reasons that by posting a photo of her newborn self on the site's FAQ page, she's earned the right to showcase other unattractive infants. Her younger son, 18-month-old Anthony, is shown spitting up on the site's home page. Of course, being a relative, he's ineligible for the contest.
Rivera receives 12 to 15 photos per month, each with a $9.99 entry fee. The cash prizes range from $25 to $150. Factor in the $10 a month it costs Rivera to host the site, and she isn't exactly profiting from UglyBabyContest.com.
So why do this?
"You look at all these beautiful baby contests and stuff, and they're so butt-ugly," Rivera said. "And every parent's proud of their children and stuff like that, but man. I'm just so over it. They over-process their children. They make them look like they're 50 and then you wonder why they have anorexia by the age of 7."
Rivera started the Web site in November in an effort to restore infancy to its intended glory - all spit-ups, awkward poses and ill-fitted facial features. Many of the photos submitted feature otherwise adorable tots caught in ugly moments - picking their nose, sneezing or slathered in spaghetti sauce. Rivera refuses to accept photos of deformed or developmentally challenged babies.
"This is all in fun," said the former comedy club emcee, " because most ugly babies turn out to be really pretty people." She said she's received no backlash; in fact, parents e-mail Rivera to thank her for providing a good laugh. Some friends even contacted The Ellen DeGeneres Show about the Ugly Baby Contest. They've gotten callbacks.
In the meantime, Rivera is already dreaming up ways to expand the Web site. She's thinking Ugly Mom and Dad, to illustrate how homely people can make beautiful babies.
What to do when a friend confronts you with her unsightly newborn and demands, "Isn't he adorable?" Steal a page from Rivera's playbook.
"He will be," she'll say. "Or I say, 'Aww, he's as cute as a little puppy.' I don't lie."
